Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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