If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
