Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
