I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
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It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
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I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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