Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
