he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We're too hungover to prance.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
