Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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