nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
