I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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