i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I wanna passion pit in your ass
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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