No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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