She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
