My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Randomize
