Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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