how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
