I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Randomize
