I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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