How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
