Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
