i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
