Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
