i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
