Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
BRING THE BAGELS
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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