sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
