Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
