the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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