Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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