there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
