I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
