There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
