I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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