So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
