Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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