What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
