I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
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