When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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