Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
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