I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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