i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
