PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
