Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
