sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
