She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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