Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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