Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
