it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
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walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
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Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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