R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
