obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
