If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
