i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
