it wasn't lemon gatorade
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
