You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I smell like Dick and happiness
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
