the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
