I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
