I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Pants are for mortals
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
