thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
