It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
