DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
