walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
