I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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