"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
