the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
