Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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