I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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