$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Randomize
