Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
