There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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