she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
