We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
