we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
