so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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