The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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