If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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