i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
