My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
