If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
