You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
