think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
