90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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